– Contributed by – Claire Casey, the author of the bestselling online program “Capture His Heart and Make Him Love You Forever.”
Before we begin, tell me which guys in the relationships below are cheating:
Hannah and Andre have been dating for 2 years.They’ve talked about getting married. She even thinks he’s been pricing some rings…
Elisa and Malik are like the “old couple” among their friends, they’ve been together now for 5 years, and even though they haven’t ever discussed marriage, she isn’t seeing other guys. She refers to him as “my partner” and they have a vibrant sex life.
Jasmin and Darren started seeing each other about 4 months ago and are ecstatically in love. They talk on the phone multiple times every day, and go out on a date several times a week. Last week he moved in with her.
Before you tell me which of the guys in these three relationships you think is cheating, let me tell you this: Every single one of those guys is seeing other women.
Does that surprise you? Make you angry?
Before you start throwing things (and for the record, I just made those three couples up, and I realize I didn’t give you much information to go on) you should know: the reason I ask is because I think this is an issue that comes up all the time for women, and there’s a huge issue underneath the word “cheating”. THAT’S the real issue we need to discuss…
How most women define cheating
Most women would tell you that if two people are “together” and one of them “sees” other people, that’s cheating. I’m not convinced there’s even one guy in the world who would agree with that definition, though.
And here’s why that’s really, really bad for all the women in the world.
When a woman has that definition of cheating, she often completely gives over her life to a man who isn’t doing the same. In other words, he’s “won” her and may now either lose interest or enjoy and keep all the “benefits” of a relationship with her but never make a commitment, even though she’s made a commitment to him.
If you hope for and want to be married someday, you could lose years of your life this way, waiting for a man who isn’t waiting for you.
So how SHOULD you define cheating?
In my world, “cheating” is a word reserved only for two situations.
First, where two people have made a clear and explicit agreement to date only each other and one of them breaks that agreement.
And second, in a marriage when one person “dates” (meaning sees because they’re sexually or deeply emotionally interested in) another.
Why you should (both) date other people until you are (both) ready to commit
There’s a big difference between dating and exclusivity. If you are a woman who is seeking a committed, exclusive relationship or marriage, one of the best things you could do to secure a commitment is to not be so easily won!
I’m not at all saying “play hard to get”, I’m saying to look for the man who is going to commit, and don’t stop looking until you find him!
This actually not only keeps you from losing years of your life with a man who isn’t going to commit, it also makes you extremely desirable among men!
How to get him to commit to you
First, you need to clearly communicate (and this is delicate, and I talk more about it in “Capture His Heart and Make Him Love You Forever”) exactly how long you’re willing to date without a commitment.
Then, you need keep dating other guys until the two of you explicitly agree to be exclusive.
I know it’s hard to spend time seeing, spending time with and enjoying other guys when all you want is to fall happily into the arms of this one particular man, but until you two agree that you are each other’s “only and forever”, that’s the best path toward your dreams.