What Modern Men Really Want


b99280573z.1_20140612122735_000_gk76gv24.1-0Many women these days speak about wanting an “evolved” modern man. One could interpret that term in many ways. Let’s assume that it refers to an enlightened man who recognizes a woman’s equality as well as her unique contributions and needs in a relationship. This is most likely a man who is secure in his own masculinity and therefore is not threatened by women. Nor does he need to make a women feel subservient in order to feel dominant.

Speaking in sweeping generalizations is difficult, but one could surmise that modern women’s preferences have changed. That’s understandable and fair. However, women should not ignore the fact that this new, evolved man might also have certain wishes and needs from his modern feminine counterpart. What might this evolved, fashion-appreciating, wine-sipping man want from a woman in a relationship setting? How would these “wants” look different from those of a man from an older generation? Here’s an idea of the major “wants” an evolved man has for the woman in his life:

1. Authenticity

While men in the past might’ve focused on outward appearances and been stuck in the fantasy of the “pretty woman,” a modern man knows that an authentic woman is the best partner. This is a woman who doesn’t feel the need to alter her basic self in order to please anyone. This is not arrogance, but true self-knowledge, acceptance and confidence. People in a relationship with an authentic woman might butt heads more often, but the struggle is worth it – an evolved man will be happy to see his partner happy doing whatever it is that fulfills her. When she is positive and satisfied his daily routine and home will be more positive places.

2. Happiness

An evolved man will put a woman’s happiness at the top of his priority list. Nobody can always be happy, and we are all sometimes called on to help our partners. This man, however, wants to be sure that his wife or girlfriend does not need a guidance counselor to direct them toward satisfaction – they already have it or the means to find it themselves. The evolved man will feel most secure with a woman who is aware enough to know that she’s responsible for her own happiness. His efforts to make her happy, which are important, are only the icing on the cake, so to speak.

3. Wild love

No matter how evolved a modern man might be, he still has a deep desire to be loved passionately. This man is not afraid to work hard for such a big, enveloping, wild love. He dreams about a love that is unconditional, accepting of his faults and aware of who he truly is. Let’s be clear: this love should not come at the expense of a woman’s own personality, schedule, needs or confidence – it should simply be an accessory to them. Neither does an evolved man want his woman’s love to be blind – if he messes up, he wants to be corrected.

4. Communication

Women are generally better communicators than men. However, the evolved man has caught up and is comfortable with openly and honestly discussing emotions and facts. This man wants a woman who speaks the truth in black and white, without drama, guessing games or flowery ornamentation. This man is as eager for constructive criticism at home as he is at work and knows that we are all on a constant journey to improving ourselves and our relationships. Therefore, this woman shouldn’t hold back when expressing her needs or criticizing his mistakes. The evolved man’s ideal relationship is therefore a two-person vehicle for his own growth and development as an individual.

5. Surrender

The evolved is very aware of gender equality and believes in it. He is looking for a woman who is powerful, capable, and doesn’t feel like she needs him in order to take any step in her own life, be it a decision to go back to school or a decision to change a light bulb. Alongside this, he does want a woman who is comfortable letting him take the lead in a relationship. While he respects her and her input, this evolved man still enjoys feeling like an “alpha.” The best metaphor for this desire is dancing: there can be two people dancing in concert, but only one can lead. This “surrender” should come from a place of trust in one another and the woman’s knowledge that this man has her best interests in mind. This, of course, requires him to earn her trust and prove that he is invested in their mutual best-case-scenario future. Once that is apparent, he appreciates being in the driver’s seat, with his partner’s fantastic feminine contributions at his side. It is key, in this evolved relationship, that the “balance of power” remain on the man’s side, because, no matter how evolved he might be, no man wants to feel emasculated. Likewise, it seems like few women would feel attracted to an emasculated man. So, although a man might be evolved and enlightened, his female partner should not expect this to translate into submissiveness. What is being described is a unique balancing act whereby neither woman nor man is too timid or delicate. Even a strong, confident woman will be able to let her evolved man drive the vehicle – unless he is a mess and about to crash.

6. Sexual Dynamic

There’s no avoiding the truth that most men like and want sex, often. As evolved as a man might be, sex is nonnegotiable and separate from all other issues. Again, this man wants a woman who wants him fully, but, at the same time, is available to him enthusiastically and passionately. He accepts that she might not always be willing or able, and is sensitive to her desires and needs, both in and out of bed. However, the evolved man still wants a healthy, robust sexual dynamic that is alive and kicking. He does not want to feel strange, perverted or guilt because he likes sex, is attracted to his partner, and wants sex on a frequent basis. Our culture has somehow created a lot of shame and taboo around the issue of sex. This has no place in his daily life and the evolved man wants a woman who similarly enjoys sex with him. If a female partner is on a very different sexual wavelength, it could lead to problems. Of course, this optimal sexual charisma is something that is often found and not cultivated. There needs to be a spark between two individuals, which is hard to create if it’s not there from the start. That being said, the evolved man is also prepared for bumps in the road of his sexual relationship and is willing and mature enough to explore sexual needs or issues. He sees himself as 50% of a mature couple that can communicate about, experiment with and share the intimacy of sex. Lastly, an evolved man wants his female partner to be as satisfied and thrilled by sex as he is, and will do his best to sexually satisfy her.

To sum things up, an evolved, modern man just wants a woman who is 100% herself and not afraid to admit it and show it. He’s satisfied and confident, so she should be too. He wants to be able to communicate with his partner, but also ravish her. He wants to feel enhanced by his partner and not compromised and vice versa.