– Contributed by – James Bauer, Relationship expert.
Do you remember what it was like to first fall in love? James suggests that this wonderful feeling doesn’t have to stop.
Here’s what it feels like to a man when he first falls in love with a woman. He feels happy. His happiness flows naturally from expectations of something wonderful in his future. He feels more connected with the world, even when she’s not around.
His mind is compartmentalized, so he sometimes gets so engrossed in his work that he is literally surprised by the joyful emotions that erupt for a few seconds each time something reminds him of you during the course of his work day.
If he continues down this road, the euphoria of love makes him start to adore everything about you. The edges of your lips, your neckline, the tone of your voice, everything about you starts to seem perfect and magical. He begins to fantasize about kissing you before his boss snaps him out of it in the middle of a meeting.
This all sounds pretty close to what you would expect so far, right? Well, what happens next may seem a little odd. All those positive feelings build into a desire to become your lover. What that means to a man is very different than what it means to a woman.
In his quest to become your lover, a man’s feelings will shift toward a desire to impress you. That sounds nice, right? Well, it can be nice, or not, depending on how you respond to him. You see, men have a soft spot underneath the hard emotional exterior. We may act tough, stubborn, angry, or macho on the outside, but all that is really serving a softer emotional need.
Men cannot thrive in a deep passionate type of relationship unless they feel they have a woman’s admiration and respect.
If your man thinks you like him, but he feels you do not really admire him, the “in love” feelings will quickly fade and often extinguish completely like the wick of a candle that has been snuffed out. If you snuff out the fire from the wick of a candle, it’s out.
You can warm up to him all you want, but he will feel cold and only respond by blowing little wisps of smoke into your face from the extinguished flame. Many women have felt this. Some women have been through it more than once in a marriage.
Men desire admiration in a way that women would find hard to believe. Testosterone is, as you know, the male sex hormone. When it is active, he feels manly and alive. He feels happy. Did you know a man’s testosterone is affected by the way people treat him? It’s true.
If you put a man in a position where he is treated like the low man on the totem pole, his testosterone will drop.
After a group of men are thrown together, there is a sorting-out period when a “pecking order” is established. No one talks about it. It just happens. If you watched a video tape of interactions among men after about five days, you would be able to tell who was more of the alpha-male at the top end, and who the people were lower on the pecking order.
If you measured each person’s testosterone before and after grouping them together, those at the bottom would experience a drop in testosterone while those toward the top would experience an increase.
Why does this matter? Because men will lose interest in anyone that accidentally tromps on their ego. And there are all kinds of ways this happens without you meaning to do it! The feeling can come from something as simple as the tone of voice you use when offering a compliment!
Does your man dream about you in his future? Are you the light of your man’s life? If not, the Respect Principle may have something to do with it. Check out the free presentation I put together to explain this vital relationship principle.
It could make all the difference in the relationship you share with your man.