It’s not easy to fall in love. However, as anyone who has been in a serious relationship for a longer period of time can tell you, it might be even harder to STAY in love. What is it that changes the feelings of deep, focused love many people feel at the beginning of a relationship? Time? Intimacy? Boredom?
Many relationships dissolve when feelings change. Many couples force themselves to stay together despite the same changing emotions. Children, finances, and true feelings of mutual respect often give people an incentive to try and rehabilitate the love they once felt. Here are some tips that can provide food for thought if and when you are experiencing a lack of “love” in your relationship and want to get things back on track:
1. Let go of resentment
Relationships have plenty of potholes. There are fights, disagreements and mistakes. One of the keys to keeping things healthy is to move past those events and let go of the anger associated with them. More than simply accepting an apology, you should work on truly letting go of any anger and blame you might feel for your partner.
A healthy relationship often involves two people who are progressing and developing at equal rates, perhaps in different pursuits or directions, but simultaneously. If one person is trying hard to get a new business off the ground while the other person is at home all day, bored, tension can arise from the gap in personal development. It is just as important as intimacy that both people in a relationship have their own successes and goals in life. Likewise, a relationship should always be in its own state of evolution and development – try conquering new challenges and territory together.
3. Pay attention
Your career demands constant attention. Your kids keep your hands full on a daily basis. Family and friends always seem to need you. It’s very possible that you’ve been neglecting your relationship. Love, excitement and passion must be cultivated and tended to in a long-term relationship. This could mean setting aside “couple’s time” or getting creative and putting more effort into intimacy.
4. It’s about you
Often, when we are not happy with ourselves – be it related to our appearance, life situation, career or otherwise – those feelings reflect onto our relationships. Sometimes, one of the keys to becoming closer with another is to first deal with your own issues. Most importantly, be honest about your feelings and what their causes are – do not make the mistake of blaming your partner for faults within your own control or beyond anyone’s control.
There’s no great secret to the effects of time on a relationship. After you’ve woken up with the same person, seen them in embarrassing moments, fought, been ill together, lost money, made money – the sparkling and shining new exterior finish on a love affair wears away. All of the stuff that makes up our daily lives can affect the romance factor in a long-term union. Like your young, wrinkle-free, skinny body, that will not come back. The sooner we come to terms with that, the easier it will be to find a solution. On the other, positive side of the equation, good and bad times have caused you to feel extremely close, appreciative and respectful for the person you share your life with. Perhaps trying some of the tips above can get your loving feelings back on track.
What did you love about your partner originally? What would make you fall back in love? What would your partner point out in you to answer those same questions?